Grieving happens when you lose someone or something that you love and rely on or are “attached to.” The loss may be a person, pet, job, social contacts, etc.
Attachment is the feeling that you “must-have,” “can’t stand to be without,” or “feel alone, abandoned, and lost without them. ” If you are not attached or feel that you cannot stand to be without this person/thing, you are not likely to get stuck in your grief. You may be sad and miss the one (thing) you have lost and may grieve for a while, but you will get used to it.
The grief that stays is “the feeling that there is no happiness possible without that person or thing.” It frequently has feelings of regret attached to it, feelings that “I should have spent more time with them,” “I should have done more for or with them,” or ”I should have been more careful.” Sometimes there is guilt and a feeling of responsibility for the loss that goes beyond regret.
Other times there are dependency feelings, thoughts, and feelings like “I can’t survive without them.”
Still other times, there is a “wantingness”, which is a powerful energy. It is what the Buddha called the greatest cause of man’s suffering. Fortunately, the energy of “wantingness” can be disconnected from as can attachment, guilt, and dependence. When that happens, the grieving person is free to experience calm and happiness again.