Why we grieve and how to stop
Grief is natural; just about everyone experiences it at some point in their life. If you have lost someone or something that you love, relied on, or felt you must have in your life, you are going to grieve. It may be a person, pet, social contacts, a business, or a job you loved; it can be almost anything. How long you grieve is determined by your feelings’ intensity, not a schedule or timetable of some sort. The feelings of grief are like a whirlwind: you can be swept away by them, and they can control you. The grief relief program will help you change that and put you back in control.
How long should you grieve?
Some religions and people think that you should grieve for a specific period, that if you don’t grieve long enough, you are terrible, wrong, and disrespectful of the one lost. If you don’t suffer enough, you should feel guilty. I must disagree. One of our user submitted testimonials illustrates this reaction. It is the written testimonial from Ahmad in Saudi Arabia. It talks about his and his sister’s response to their mother’s loss and what happened after using the Grief relief narrative.
There is no need to feel guilty or unworthy if you let go of your grief. Allowing ourselves to remember the good times we had with our loved one, without sadness and regret, celebrates and honors what we had with them. It proves that what we shared was special. With the grief relief program’s help, you can shorten your grieving period and remember what you had with joy rather than sadness.
WHY WE GRIEVE
We grieve and are unhappy because we feel deprived of what we want, what we need, or think that life is not worth living if we don’t have. Grief is all about our loss, not how much we loved the one we lost. The way to get rid of your pain is to deal with yourself; to deal with your upset emotions, not focus on what is gone. If you focus on what you have lost, you can grieve forever. If you focus on the loss, you can forget the love you had and the good times. If you deal with the cause, not the effect, you will get over it.
The focus I am talking about is in our mind, it starts in infancy, and most of us never fully outgrow it. That is why grieving is a universal phenomenon and why we see it as “natural.” The feeling I am talking about is that you “must-have,” “can’t stand to be without,” or “feeling alone, abandoned, and lost” without the person or thing you lost. It is why infants and young children cry and become upset when mommy is out of sight. When we are little, we need a mom. She supplies everything. Without her, we are in big trouble!
THE FIVE EMOTIONS OF GRIEF
The grief that stays the longest is “I cannot be happy without this person or thing, it is impossible”; “I am empty and alone,” I cannot live without them or it.” I am describing what is called “attachment” and is the thing that starts in infancy. If you do not feel that you cannot stand to be without what you lost, you are less likely to get stuck in your grief. You will be sad and miss your loss and grieve for a while, but you will get used to it. Sadly, that is what happens to most of our traumas; we don’t get over them. We get used to them. Our grief narration allows you to get over your losses and to find real joy and happiness in life again.
Grief frequently has feelings of regret attached to it, feelings that “I should have spent more time with them,” “I should have done more for or with them,” “I should have been more careful.”, or “How could I have missed something so important”?
Sometimes there is guilt and a feeling of responsibility for the loss that goes beyond regret. The self-blame here is over what was or was not said or done. “What I don’t have,”; and “What I missed, or what I will miss out on.”
Other times there are feelings and thoughts like “I can’t survive without them, I can’t live without what I have lost.” Still other times, grief involves a “wantingness,” which is a powerful energy. It is what the Buddha called the most significant cause of man’s suffering. The Buddha saw true happiness as being a state of joy in one’s mind.
The problem with happiness based on something outside ourselves is that it does not last because our pleasure objects don’t last. Sad events follow happy ones: shoes wear out; our new and exciting possessions grow old; the person we have bonded with and to whom we are attached dies. Unfortunately, most of us go through life looking for things to “make us happy.” But our happy “fix” is never permanent, so we keep looking or feeling bad because we can’t keep it when we find it.
HOW TO STOP GRIEVING
The narration in the Attractor Field Therapy program takes you on a series of journeys leading you to look in the corners of your mind that hold the sources of your grief and suffering, including the feelings of “wantingness,” regret, attachment, guilt, and dependence. It allows you to examine them in a way that enables you to let go of them.
You will be able to use the grief relief narration as many times as you feel necessary. While most people get over their immediate loss the first time they use it, many find it useful to review all their life losses and sad and upsetting things they remember. We lose many things in our lives and do not realize that their loss stays with us even though we seem to get over them. You will be surprised how good and alive you feel if you look in all the corners of your mind and clear all of the cobwebs.
If you have not already done so, read and listen to the testimonials. Hear from Laura, who lost her sister to suicide; Rachael, who was crushed by a divorce; Karen, who lost her husband, and Brian, who lost his son. See what you can do for yourself.
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